Wrecked

Tonight, The Lord has wrecked me.

I sat in my dorm, avoiding news about what was happening in Paris. I knew it would upset me, so I looked away until I absolutely couldn’t anymore.

I read a news story about what has happened, what continues to happen, in Paris. And at once, my heart broke in a way that it’s never been broken before.

Immediately, I found myself on my knees, Bible in hand. I was breathing heavily…God, be there. Be there, God.

I prayed for what seemed like an eternity. Over and over, I just prayed for the Lord’s presence. I prayed for his transcendent peace.

When I finished praying, I realized that it still wasn’t enough. I turned on song after song, my heart crying out for peace. “Settle my soul,” I cried out.

That’s when God came and wrecked every little piece of me.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. – Romans 12:15

My bones ache. My throat burns and my chest can’t quite get enough air. My eyes are heavy with tears and my heart is overwhelmed with sorrow. There aren’t enough words to describe the hurt.

So many times I have asked God to break my heart for the things that break His heart, and so many times I’ve been filled with sorrow about happenings of the world. Oh, but this feeling, this despair and this grief, it is unlike anything that I have ever felt before.

My heart is truly wrecked. I feel it everywhere within me. My soul is unsteady, and all of me is asking why.

But for tonight, I’m going to stop searching for the answers.

I’m just going to weep with those who are weeping, and pray for all those who are brokenhearted.

Lord, be with Paris. You know. You know. You know, Father. And that is enough for me.