A “Real” Boyfriend

Ladies. My dear sisters…my lovely friends, and all the strangers who may find their way to this blogpost. I just have one thing to say:

We have officially lost it.

Now before you get angry with me and click away from this post, let me make a point. Over the last few weeks, I have been very hyper-aware of the constant inundation of things online about relationships. To gather a general idea of what I’m referring to, let’s take a look at this graphic I found on Twitter:


Immediately after seeing this, I found myself overwhelmed at how broken this ideology is. People share these things. They talk about these ideas and dream of relationships that encompass these qualities and others like them. It is not a joke to wish for a boyfriend that will “double text” you when you don’t respond quickly enough. This is so incredibly brokenand it is not at all representative of healthy relationships.

Young people (I’ll speak for young women in this post, though I believe the problem is prevalent in young men as well) are caught up in an alternative view on what it means to be a “good” significant other. There is a skewed vision that proclaims that if your boyfriend isn’t constantly posting about you online or texting you every moment of the day, then he must not be a “real” boyfriend.

Why is this the case? Well, it can be partially blamed on the recent rising infatuation with social media and all things smartphone. But beyond that, I believe this way of thinking has become an epidemic because women have forgotten something far more important than what a “real” boyfriend is.

This something that I’m referring to is self-worth. A woman who strives to have a relationship with a jealous man who double texts and checks on the whereabouts of his lady at inappropriate times (come on, you know deep down when it’s not okay) is a woman who has forgotten how much she is worth.

I’m not insinuating that if your boyfriend does any of the things listed in the photo above that he is automatically not a “real” or “good” boyfriend. But what I am getting at, though, is that if that graphic is representative of what you are seeking in your dating relationships, then perhaps you are actually a little lost.

I have been there, ladies. I have been in that place. All I wanted was for someone to seek me out constantly, letting me know that he cared about me. I wanted to be saved by a guy. Now, there is nothing wrong with the desire to be desired. It is in our nature as women. But we get into trouble when we begin to seek a savior in our relationships. The trouble here? Well, to put it simply…no man, woman, or child will ever save you.

That job has already been taken. The beautiful thing is that the man who took the job is, in fact, always seeking us, loving us, and desiring us. His name is Jesus.

We try to replace him with relationships that we can physically cling to. We want to feel that intimate connection in the flesh. Again, there is nothing wrong with this desire. The error of our ways, though, comes when we think that finding a man will replace the need to be loved by Jesus. It simply won’t. Our relationships, dating or other, are never going to be enough. We will never feel or be completely fulfilled by them, no matter how desperately we cling. With this distorted vision we have created, most of our relationships will end in broken disappointment.

Until we recognize that nothing can replace our innate desire to be known and loved by God, and in turn begin to “fall in love” with our true Savior, then every single pseudo-savior we create will only end in heartache.

Let me clarify this: you are worth dying for. And until you truly know this in the deepest part of your being, you will find yourself getting hurt a lot.

So, in closing, I suppose finding a “real” boyfriend is a lot less about the man you are looking for, and instead is a whole lot more about the woman you are in the process of becoming.

♥♥ Nikki